Is being a bitch a bad thing?

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The word “bitch” is used a lot these days to the point I might argue that it’s lost it’s true definition. We may say things like ‘hanging out with my bitches tonight’ or my personal favorite ‘Bitch, I’m Vossy” but such phrases do not correctly implore the correct usage of bitch. We all know the real term bitch means, well, a woman who is not nice. “Nice” that’s a word I don’t particularly like for a few reasons. One being a creative writing major if us students ever used the word “pretty” “nice” or “very” our teacher would kill us for lack of imagination and minimal vocabulary skills and the second is, well, plain and simple -I just don’t like the term. What is nice, really? I’m not positive myself, but I am learning that if you don’t fall into the box of nice you suddenly fall into the box of ‘bitch’.

Now, I’m going to preface what I’m about to say with a warning of sorts: This is perhaps an extremely misogynist statement and a blanket statement at that BUT with that said this is based off my own personal life experiences to which I find the following to be exceedingly true true true. Women fall into two groups (and of course there are subcategories in these two groups but basically two large groups) The Betties and The Veronicas. Anyone familiar with Archie’s Comics will know that Betty is the cute and charming blonde girl who is just incredibly nice (yes, nice), she is the sweetest thing to ever walk on two legs whilst Veronica is the sassy, brunette who perhaps is a bit of a bitch. Which one are you?

I like to use the Betty v. Veronica comparison because I don’t think it’s as binding as the Girl Next Door v. Femme Fatale or even more limiting is the Madonna Whore… but truthfully the idea is almost the same. Here is the difference the Girl Next Door and the Femme Fatale and the Madonna Whore comparisons are made up by men as a way to undermined women and define them by sex and women are so much more than what they do or don’t do sexually which is why I made up Betty v. Veronica. Both characters are great women beautiful, smart, and sexy… but all in different ways. And of course there is a little Betty in Veronica and vice versa, no one is a static character.

List of Famous Betties: Doris Day, (Young) Brittany Spears, Jessica Simpson, Sandy from Grease, Gidget, Donna Martin, all the Disney Princesses (EXCEPT Pocahontas, Jasmine & arguably Belle), Annette Hargrove, Marilyn Monroe (I knew said Betty wasn’t sexy), Taylor Swift, Kelly Kapowski

List of Famous Veronicas: Jane Russell, Brenda Walsh, Valerie Malone, Scarlet O’Hara, Kathryn Merteuil, Gilda, Theda Bara, Brigid O’Shaughnessy, Ava Gardner, Barbara Stanwyck

Now, let us get back to the term ‘bitch’. There are many layers of the word ‘bitch’ there are bitches who literally are evil bitches who kill puppies (I don’t ever want to know anyone like that ever) than there are bitches who perhaps are little rude (but hey just for fun!) who love sex and aren’t afraid to admit it (that’s the key to bitch, because every girl loves sex but only bitches will cop to loving it) bitches who maybe bust some guy’s balls a little too hard (all in good fun of course) and bitches who just love to be, well, just a little naughty.

Perhaps, you can tell from my sympathetic language which group I fall into. You’ve guessed correctly. I can’t even begin to count how many times I have been called the word ‘bitch.’ I’ve been called a bitch so many times I don’t even care anymore… I’m a bitch and I love love love it! I mean I don’t burn down houses, have voodoo dolls or anything like that I just always cheered for the bad guy in the movie and hate floral dresses. I mean c’mon those princesses were just so fucking annoying all the Wicked Witch wanted was to be the hottest shit in the land… nothing is wrong with striving for perfection people! Wicked witches are very misunderstood people! I recently saw that new Snow White with Charlize Theron and the whole time I just rooted for Snow White’s demises (maybe because it was Kristen Stewart though, I don’t know). Just sometimes being nice is so damn overrated, who doesn’t want to be a little naughty? Anyone? Anyone?

Let me give you a quick example of what I mean. It’s New Years Eve and I was forced to leave my pet raven and my dark castle tower to go to a party in the village kingdom (okay, stopping). So at this party I was blind sided and my friend’s boyfriend shows up (womp, womp, womp) and his friend (can you say set up?). Needless to say I was stuck with the typically dweeby friend all night. And I don’t mean dweeby in the cute endearing way, but dweeby like ‘I think I’m hot shit although in reality I have no reason to think I’m hot shit, but alas I am hot shit and you’re a bitch if you can’t see that I am indeed the hottest shit’ yeah, one of those. Happy New Year to me!!! So, the clock stuck midnight and suddenly he expected a kiss? What the Fuck? I don’t care if just turned midnight on the last day before the end of the world I don’t know you I’m not kissing you! Sick! But the thing was he expected me too, which was all fine and good… but then I became ‘the bitch who didn’t kiss him on New Years.’

I just don’t understand the new dynamic between men and women anymore. Since graduation men have started to think they’re gods or something and women should just bow down to them/ just be happy a guy is talking to them in the first place. What makes this new epidemic of overly confident guys even worse is girls aren’t correcting this behavior in fact they are encouraging this behavior!! Why? Because tick tock they don’t want to end up alone. Example: I bought a new outfit that I couldn’t afford, spent hours doing my hair, painted my nails ( which is a huge effort because I have zero coordination), I waxed my legs, and I was wearing the most painful Louboutins I own- I mean I put major effort into the night and this dude couldn’t even have been bothered to put on a fucking clear-pore strip but I was expected to swoon? “I don’t think so” But see, I sound like a bitch right?

The night only got worse when I tried to make conversation with him. ME: What is your last name? HIM: Guess. It’s a presidents last name ME: Okay, well there 44 presidents could you give me a hint HIM: Watergate ME: Oh easy Nixon HIM: Kennedy …*Crickets* So, I took it upon myself to give him a little history lesson… but then my friend was like ” omg stop being a bitch” and all the Betties were like “omg I totally can’t believe you didn’t kiss him.” The point is I wasn’t attracted to him, but even more than that he put no effort into presenting himself yet I was still supposed to swoon? I PROMISE you if I had been overweight or gone in my sweatpants (which I really wanted to do) he wouldn’t have been interested but he would then have been called “selective” or congratulated for “not settling” where I being the women was called a bitch. Fine, bitch I am !

Now, I have nothing against Betties, a lot of my friends are Betties (people always say that when they don’t like a group of people but I promise I am being sincere) but I have to say I really don’t appreciate when they try to make me like them. I don’t try to turn them into Veronicas because I fully accept that they’re different and different is awesome. With that said – It’s not like I haven’t tried becoming a Betty, trust me I have.

What are your thoughts about the Betty v. Veronica?

Betty and Veronica

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Post numero Uno !

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Since I’m bloggin not blogging from my laptop, thought I’d share what it looks like… what? A little inspiration never hurt anyone !

Welcome to my first “real blog!” I preface “real” because I’ve previously had two failed blogs. They failed primarily because one was about my sad experiences online dating and it was just too sad sad sad for me to continue to write about, and the other blog was when I was a sophomore in college and needless to say was full of wonderful antidotes about partying and doing things of extreme frivolity that I probably shouldn’t have shared with the internet cyber-sphere. Actually earlier today I was thinking about how much we grow as people ( now I know this sounds really corny but hear me out). At the time I wrote my first blog I thought I was hilarious ( and quite frankly I still find my hilarity dangerously alluring) but my humor has changed slightly. I’m still exceedingly inappropriate, I never have blushed at nasty curse words- in fact I find using them quite liberating so if you are of the faint of heart.. beware. But my humor as well as my writing has changed more to the point where I don’t feel as though I need to rely so much on that shock element. Now in my old age I feel as though I lean more on substance rather than that shock value. There is this great quote from Maggie Smith/  Countess Violet Grantham ( whom I believe to be my spirit animal) from DownTon Abbey where she says, “vulgarity is no substitute for wit” which I think is so true true true. There are too many comedians and bloggers who don’t take heed to that belief, in their opinion the more you curse or make crass comments the funnier you are… quite wrong. Personally, I feel people who lean too heavily on the humor of vulgarity sell their humor short or are making up for not having any sense of real humor at all. In relation to this is the recent tweet by the known controversial “news” site The Onion where an anonymous writer for the site tweeted that 9 year old Oscar nominee Quevenzhane Wallis was a “cunt.”  See, I am 100 percent against censorship of any artistic form of expression, freedom of speech protects the speech that we don’t like rather than the speech that we do, with that said I don’t see the humor or artistic expression in that tweet. Do you ? It’s not satirical, it’s not funny, it’s just vulgar. Writers who use vulgarity as a crutch simply lack anything meaningful to say and just throw around shocking words for attention, much like a child. There are so many blogs I read where the author is trying to be satirical but they just come off as a pompous asshole. I mean do we all have to be reminded the satirical humor isn’t “making fun of people”? Now I’m not sure my young adult-self was particularly vulgar or offensive I just think that perhaps using less vulgarity will challenge me more as an adult writer. And I’m always up for a challenge. Stay tuned.

What do Jerrica, Dorothy, Cinderella and Beyonce all have in common?

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What do Jerrica, Dorothy, Cinderella and Beyonce all have in common?

Jerrica had these awesome little pink earrings that turned her into a pink haired rock star badass bitch, both Dorothy and Cinderella had to die for heels that made them feel invincible killing witches and dancing all night, Beyonce just puts on her skintight leotard and becomes Sasha Fierce. Every woman has an alter ego and a fabulous piece of fashion to take them to that place, what’s yours?