Do we close ourselves off to amazing people because of our deal breakers? Are deal breakers really just closed minded rules we use to play it safe? Or are deal breakers a way to ensure that we get exactly what we are paying for?
When I online shop if I can’t get free shipping- that’s a deal breaker. I mean what’s the point of online shopping if I can go to the store buy the same thing, not pay for shipping AND get a workout in (yes, walking around the mall is considered a workout for me- judge me if you must).
I believe I must clarify to firmly and properly drawn line between DBs and preferences. Preferences ( oh boy, do I have a list of those) I believe should be malleable. I feel as though not veering away from your preferences CAN make you closed off to a lot of really great people. Preferences are simply qualities you’d like a person to have, they are qualities that you look for in a person. I love prepster hipsters that’s my preference, but smoking is DB. See that distinction? I wouldn’t be closed off to veering away my extensive list of preferences but I would be 100 percent opposed to dating a smoker.
I have a long list of deal breakers, are you surprised? I have always had deal breakers but only recently have I held true to them (if I had previously stuck to my DBs I probably wouldn’t have a list a mile long of all the losers I’ve dated). Curious as to what my deal breakers are? I thought you would be.
My deal breakers are as follows:
- No smokers… my hair will NOT smell like smoke nor will my clothes, oh and I don’t like cancer.
- No religious zealots. I can’t date someone that believes a woman was made from a man’s rib. I just can’t, I’m sorry. Nor can I date someone who has to pray five times a day, or someone that fasts (I get ridiculously cranky when I’m hungry)
- No unhygienic people. I can’t hold your hand if I’m in fear of contracting a rare but powerful strand of a previously unresearched biological disease.
- No ignoramuses. I can’t date someone who thinks Louis Armstrong, Lance Armstrong and Neil Armstrong are all related.
- No real geniuses. Not only do I know through personal experience that exceptionally brilliant people are BAT SHIT insane but I also don’t like to date people THAT much smarter than people (I don’t know what that says about me, but whatever)
- No frat boys. Frat boys are perfectly fine to brochick with but to try to peruse a relationship, like to actually take one seriously is like trying to do a kegstand in Louboutins… impossible and you’ll look like a fool while doing it.
- No “intellectuals”. Okay, smart guys yes but “intellectuals” no. Intellectuals are full of themselves, think they’re smarter (even if they’re not) than everyone around them, and they have perpetual sticks up their tight little asses.
- No alcoholics. It’s a given.
- No drug addicts. Also a given. I’ve done the whole let me save him thing… fyi it never works
- No mamma’s boys. I can’t (again) date someone who asks me to leave his room so his mom can come tickle his back. Mamma’s boys have major issues; they think they’re God’s gift and when you don’t treat them as such their moms bitch you out.
- No non-graduates. I just can’t date someone that didn’t go to college. School and education is my thing, you don’t have to understand but it’s just my thing.
- No ‘pretty boys’. I can’t date someone who uses hairspray, Aquanet is for pageant queens not boyfriends.
- No extreme political conservatives. I can’t date someone who can’t separate church and state.
- No tattoo parlor guys. I can’t date you if you look like a public bathroom stall mural.
- No litterbugs. If I see you litter I’ll assume you don’t respect the planet, which obviously means you won’t respect me.
- No elfs. I can’t date someone shorter than me. I wear 5-6 inch heels on a daily basis and I don’t want my boyfriend mistaken for my son (again).
- No daddies. I don’t care for kids in the same way I don’t care for dysentery.
- No bisexuals. It’s one think to get insecure about him wanting you to look like a Victoria’s Secret model but it’s quite another to get insecure worrying that he wishes you looked like a man.
- No pirates. I can’t take you seriously with earrings. I’m sorry, you remind me of a pirate or Eminem- both of which are equally tragic.
- No schizos. I can’t date you if you act one way with me but another with your friends, and another with your parents and another with my parents and another with your dog. Who are you really?
- No Hulks. If your arms are bigger than my waist you probably are a gym rat and enjoy a roid infused cocktail… pass, thanks for offering though.
- No possessives. If you get insecure and controlling because I dress like a high-class call girl then that’s a deal breaker. Besides I can’t help how Dolce & Gabbana designs their corset tops.
- No machos. Ugh hit the snooze button if you talk about how much you lift or how many bitches you hit or about your huge wallet. ZZZzzZzZ
- No cheapos. Don’t be cheap with me. If you want to chill at BK do it with another girl.
- No Liberaces. If you wear jewelry it is a deal breaker.
- No Cruellas. If you hate animals I hate you.
- No Athletes or politicos or musicians or cops or hairdressers or brokers or drug dealers or actors or models
- No mobsters. Anyone that uses phrases like “ forgettabout it” that’s just a no.
- No nationalists. Anyone that has a tattoo of his country or state… I’m sorry you’re excluded from playing this round.
Is that a long list? Maybe. See, the thing is shopping for a boyfriend is like buying a really expensive pair of shoes. When I bought my very first pair Louboutins I wasn’t like oh whatever I guess I’ll settle of the Ronaldos when I really wanted the Biancas. No, I was dropping serious cash on something that I was going to wear for years to come; I wanted exactly what I wanted so I waited until Saks got in the Biancas.
It took me forever to learn how to apply this no-nonsense ideal to my deal breakers. I’ve learned the very very hard way about not following my deal breakers- it just never works out.
If something is so important to you that you would call it a ‘deal breaker’ than it’s a DB for a damn good reason and you shouldn’t second-guess what you want. When guys want or think they deserve something, trust me, they get it. I feel as though society has taught women that it’s okay and healthy to make concessions but in the same sentence tell men to get exactly what they want and not settle for less. Example; I use to date this overwhelmingly insecure guy but instead of him working through his insecurities I was told (and eventually did) change the way I dressed. What is that? No seriously WHAT IS THAT??
When I did online dating (hold for shock) I originally had my standards and deal breakers really high. I stated that I wanted someone with a masters, because that’s like a thing to me… nothing is sexier (besides maybe wayfarers) than a masters. I spent 60 dollars (yes, that is the price of love these days) and for weeks no guys messaged me.. what is this magic? So eventually at the persisting of someone I went on the site with ( my blog always protects people’s anonymity) I lowered my standards and therefore dropped my deal breakers. And BEHOLD! I got messages ! But they were from like guys without bachelor degrees (maybe I sound snotty but that’s fine because that’s MY thing and no one needs to understand it but me. Maybe somebody’s thing is huge muscle guys and that’s their deal breaker although it maybe different than my DBs -I won’t judge it).
I eventually got the hell off that site not only because I personally found it to be the biggest waste of money I had ever spent (and I once bought a 400 dollars tee shirt so this is saying something) but also because eventually it started to make me question the necessity of my deal breakers- and I didn’t want to play that game.
I’m just over saying, ‘he’s a great guy but I wish this’ NO. I’m not going to date ‘He’s a Great Guy But asterisk’… I want to date ‘He’s a Great Guy –period’.
Maybe one day I’ll meet an amazing guy who actually likes me (lol lol lol lol) but he smokes will I forget that deal breaker? No… I hope not at least. I don’t want to make any more concessions for men; maybe if he cares enough he will make the concession this time (and then I will make the concession and allow him to have sex with me when my hair is straightened) .