Do we need attention to feel good about ourselves?


I was up late last night tossing and turning mostly because I was feeling sorry for myself for my non existent love life but also a little because I had way too much caffeine that day. While awake in the early hours of the morning I began to reminisce about the days where I had guys for the pickings. I had the most extensive rainy day guy fund and now I don’t even have a guy to text when I needed attention.

What is a rainy day guy fund? It’s a fund much like your rainy day savings account- you don’t really want to use it but when all your money is gone you’re forced to break into that rainy day fund and use what you got stored in there. A rainy guy fund is a collection of guys you have composed over the years to hang out with, or even just text when you are feeling desperate or lonely for the attention of the opposite sex. The rainy day guy fund usually, at least in my case, isn’t the cream of the crop because those are the guys you are actually going after. The rainy day guy fund is supreme for one thing- consistency. These guys are always there when you need a good confidence boost, they usually tell you how gorgeous and awesome you are, and hell who doesn’t want to hear that? I have a personal rule to never actually date or hook up with a guy in the fund because once you do they are in jeopardy of leaving that fund. Being any kind of physical always brings out a high level of inconstancy and unreliability in males ( I totally felt like Jane Goodall typing that).

I’m sure you’re wondering if guys have rainy day girl funds… and the answer is ‘of course.’ It’s always the guys who don’t want girlfriends that have the largest funds. They don’t want the actual commitment of a girlfriend but they want someone to text or hang out with to reassure themselves that they are indeed attractive, wanted, and cool. This is their subconscious thoughts: ‘ oh I don’t want a girlfriend, but I want you to want to be my girlfriend so I can shut you down because that makes me feel really good about myself.’

I myself would never play games with the guys in my fund; if anything I try to be a loyal and thoughtful friend to them after all they have done me a huge service by being so reliable in the confidence-boosting department.

I actually have had personal experience in the rainy day girl fund. There is this guy I am a little less than friends with, he was never my type and will never be my type but I’m nice and congenial as to not hurt his feelings when he says things like (and I quote) “ I want to kiss the crap out of you.” Like okay? How do I even respond to that? Or things like “ I want to date the crap out of you.” What’s with the repetition of the word crap?? Eventually I got tired of his crap and stopped responding to his texts (although, that did not deter him from sending me texts). This however changed when I found my rainy day guy fund completely depleted. This is sometimes a causality of keeping guys in the rainy day fund too long they maybe grow feelings or want to have sex either way they get tired of the no play zone and move on. So looking at my almost overdrawn funds I decided to respond back to his crap. He told me he was going to be in town and just couldn’t wait to take me out. He told me all the wonderful romantic things we’d do and that he would call me the next day. Then ghost. I didn’t hear from him until he got back home and then he gave me some lame excuse about not having my correct number. Um okay, how did you text me your excuse if you didn’t have my right number? That’s when I realized I was his rainy day fund girl. He didn’t actually want to date me or take me out he just wanted to keep me interested in order to stay in his fund. It all clicked; every time he texted me was to boost his confidence, he wanted me to respond to his texts to give him the attention he needed. Whatever no harm no foul. I wasn’t in the least bit offended, I think rainy day funds are great (or maybe I just didn’t like him so I could have cared less- I think this is more the answer).

Everyone likes that attention from the opposite sex, right? We like it but do we NEED it? I like the attention from the opposite sex but now that I don’t have it anymore I sometimes feel a little shitty (not gonna lie). And I don’t mean shitty like I’m about to do a jackhammer dive off my balcony but shitty like I won a thousand dollars in a bingo game then went to Saks to buy a pair of Louboutins but they didn’t have my size.

I don’t care how modern, or feminist, or progress you are it’s nice to get attention from the opposite sex, I argue it’s a normal want that has nothing to do with being progressive. I might even argue that it’s an innate want that goes back to caveman times (obviously I’m really scientific). In my opinion here lies the problem- are you allowing the desire for male attention define you? Do you want the attention, or do you need it?